I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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