My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
