Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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