My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
