i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
