Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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