I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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