My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
