Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
