i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
