I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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