is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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