I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
