I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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