I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize