You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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