my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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