i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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