he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
