I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
