First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
