someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
