so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
