i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
