I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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