I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
