super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
You smell like stripper and shame
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
