The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
