i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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