I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
