look no pants
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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