Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
