Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
