I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
