As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
