I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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