i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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