So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
