Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
