Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
