good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
