I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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