And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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