I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
