tell your sister to shave her snatch
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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