Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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