Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
