try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Randomize
