I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
