I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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