my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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