I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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