if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
