Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
