NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize