Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
last night I used snow as a chaser
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
