What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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