Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
