just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
