this beer tastes like vomit already
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He shit in the fireplace
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
