It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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