Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
