he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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