If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
