is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
