No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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