don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
