I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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