yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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