the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
