he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I lost the right to judge tonight
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
