just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Randomize
