I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
