Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
