sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
